So, I want you to listen. I want you to look out here, and I want you to listen, just listen for a second. I’m not sure if the microphone, I don’t know if you can hear the birds. Different types of birds. And you have some bees. So, this is our homestead. All of this behind me and in front of me that you can’t see, it’s all our homestead. As I sit here, and I come out here every day, and this is where I come up with what I’m going to be working on during the day, or the next day, or what my next step of the journey is. You see, a lot of us are surrounded by constant noise and constant distraction, and we don’t have the time to just be quiet. I don’t know if you can hear it, but you can hear locusts, and it’s beautiful.
See, a lot of us, we don’t take the time to slow down and face the trauma that we’ve experienced. We don’t slow down and take the time to really think about the bad things that we’ve gone through, because we don’t want to do. See, a lot of us, we want to avoid it, right? We want to pretend like it never happened. And I can understand that. Trust me, I get it. There’s a lot of things in my life that I want to pretend that never happened. But every day I come out here and I look out here, and I think about my experiences. I think about all the things that I’ve had to overcome. I think about specific times.
And the one that most recently, I’ve been facing, is actually the day my mom asked me to help frame someone else for the murder that she committed. I remember the day. When they actually look at movies, they think that, “Okay, when someone dies, a company comes up, and cleans it up, and all that.” But that’s not true. That’s true if you have the money to hire a company to come out and clean it up, but my mom didn’t have that money. And she didn’t want to spend that money. So, we had to go and clean up the remains of her husband that she had killed. And at this time, we didn’t know she had done it. We had no idea. We thought someone broke into the house and killed him and hurt her. And this is our belief.
So, I’m on the ground, on my hands and knees, with my brother, and we are scrubbing. We’ve got carpet cleaner and a scrub brush, and we are trying to scrub his remains out of the carpet. And there were still some chunky parts in there. And as I’m sitting there, down there scrubbing this carpet, trying to get these remains out, we realize, “We can’t get it out.” So, we got to cut the carpet and take out that piece, because it’s starting to smell bad. And we take out the piece, and as soon as we lift the carpet up, the smell is unlike anything you’ve ever smelled before. The worst smell I’ve ever had in my life, a smell that burns into your memories.
And then this moment, when we pick up this thing, my brother and I, we go outside to vomit because it smelled so bad. And as we are outside, my mom comes outside and says, “Hey, I want to talk to you.”And she pulls me outside, and she tells me something. She says, “I need you all to sit down. I can’t have this conversation in the house, because I think the house might be bugged. “And she looks me in the eyes, and she says, “I need you all to do me a favor. I need you to help frame Kathy for Greg’s death.” Kathy is Greg’s ex-wife.
And she goes on and she tells us what exactly she wants me to do. And in this moment, I had no response. I just listened, because I was in shock. I couldn’t imagine, I couldn’t believe that my mother had just asked me to frame someone for a murder. I couldn’t believe that she wanted me to risk my own life and my own freedom for her. Why? Why would she even think that I would do that, after the life that she raised me in? After everything that we had gone through with her, why would she believe that I would do that? But I listened.
And she sat there, and she told me exactly what to do. She told me to go to Walmart and buy two extra-large sweaters, one for you and one to make it, so that someone else can wear the extra-large sweater, take a pistol, go out to the woods, fire the pistol so the gunpowder residue gets on the sweater, go hide it in Kathy’s vehicle where she doesn’t know that it was broken into, and where she can’t see it, and go leave an anonymous tip for the police that she’s going around bragging, talking about how she killed Greg.
So, she asked me to frame another human being for murder. And this is a memory that I’ve had dreams about. This is a memory that I will never forget. However, why do we as humans want to sit here and pretend like it never happened? Why did I just share a very gory and gruesome story? I shared that very gory and gruesome story with you because it’s time for us to stop pretending like bad things didn’t happen to us. It’s time for us to stop trying to ignore the experiences, and instead, face them head on. And that’s what I’m doing.
That’s what my entire journey is about, because I’m going to face these journeys head on. It’s going to hurt, it’s going to suck, there’s going to be hard times. But I’m going to face them head on. And I want you to do that with me. I want you to think about the times in your life that you’ve avoided. I want you to think about the memories that you’ve tried to push back, way, way back, but you know they’re still there. Because until we face them, until we conquer these memories, until we defeat these ghosts of our past, we will never be able to have a good future.
So, this is memory number one that I’m going to face. And actually, I got some pretty big news. Here in a few weeks, once we’ve got were people watching … I’m doing all of this, I’m documenting all of this because I wanted to help people, so, in a few weeks, when we have a better audience paying attention to this journey, I’m going to take you with me. We’re going to go on a ride. We are going to jump in the car, and we are going to drive to Gatesville where my mother is in prison for murder. And I’m going to forgive her. I’m going to forgive her for everything. I’m going to forgive her for the life she raised me in, I’m going to forgive her for asking me to frame someone else for the murder she committed, I’m going to forgive her for putting me in a situation where I was forced to testify against her in court for murder, where she was sentenced to 60 years in prison.
This is someone I have to forgive. There are other people I have to forgive, too, including myself. But I’m going to start here. But right now, before I go and before I forgive her, I need to start processing all of the memories. I need to face the memories. I need to stop ignoring them. Because that’s not helping me, it’s not solving anything. So, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to look out at this. I want you to imagine you’re right here with me, you’re standing right here next to me. I want you to look out here. I want you to tell me, what memory are you trying to forget? What bad time did you go through that you’re trying to forget ever happened?
Why don’t you join me out here? Why don’t you join me on this journey? And why don’t you come with me? Why don’t you go down this path with me? I’m scared. I know you are. But why don’t you come with me on this journey? Why don’t you look out here at this big open field, and why don’t you think about that memory that you’ve been trying to erase? I promise you, it’s not going anywhere. It’s not going anywhere until you face it. I know it’s scary, I know it hurts. Trust me, I get it. I understand. Understand, I’m not going on this journey in public just for people to watch. I’m not creating a reality TV show.
See, I’m doing this publicly in hopes that you will join me, in hopes that you will come along with me. Not help me, but to help yourself. So, the question is, are you going to join me? Are you tired of all of this? Are you tired of this life that just is so exhausting? Are you tired of waking wishing you didn’t wake up? Are you tired of fighting every single day just to live, to survive?
That’s no life, that’s not what life is. I know it isn’t.
Let’s figure that out together. Let’s go on this journey together. I would love to have you be on this journey with me. So, after this video, I want you to tell me, are you going to join me on this journey? Are you ready to change alongside me? I’m not going to be your guide, I’m not going to be your guru. We are going to do this together. You and I are going to overcome our adversities, our individual adversities, as a team. I’m doing this publicly to help you while I help myself. Are you ready?